Friday, September 21, 2012

Fifty on Friday #7

Have you guys enjoyed the whole "Fifty on Friday" thing so far? It's partly for you, and partly for me, so I got to thinking about it. Maybe I'm just shouting these words words words words words into the abyss of the internet, where they get swallowed into nothingness. Or maybe you guys are interested. Or maybe it's saving me years of expensive therapy. Either way, I'm digging it. Hope you guys are too!

It's been interesting to take one day a week and use these questions to dig around in my own brain, to really think about some of them. Others have been less thinking-required than others, but it's still been interesting, and I'm glad that I decided to do it like this instead of all in one incredibly long post. This one was originally intended to go up last Friday, but between crappy internet and limited time, it got pushed down a week. Here we go!

#7: Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you're doing?
For a long time, I was just settling for my life as it was. I wouldn't admit it to most people, but I was very unhappy, and just chose not to do anything about it. To me, it was just my lot in life to accept, and to hope that "it will eventually get better", as so many people struggling with depression do hope.

Nowadays, I'm doing what I believe in. I'm in a healthy and happy relationship, writing daily, working with a friend to get some published articles done.... The only time that I don't feel like I'm doing what I believe in, is when I'm at my day job, wage-slaving until I don't have to anymore. Sure, I still have some issues related to my depression, and some days the headnoise can be unbearable... but who wants to read something written by someone mentally stable anyway?

#19: If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
If money wasn't an issue, I wouldn't stay in any one place for more than a month or two. I would go anywhere, and everywhere, that my life could take me. But setting that aside and picking one state, I think I'd start off in New Jersey. I've got friends there, like Matt, who would let me stay with them until I could get a place of my own, and even the places that I did visit are still a new adventure in the waiting.

As far as countries besides this one, I think I'd be boring and start with Canada. Not saying that the country is boring, but that it's kind of a boring start for me, because I'm just four or five hours away from there now. Another option would be somewhere in the United Kingdom. I've got ancestry way back somewhere over there, and it would just be a fun and exciting new world for me.

#28: Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Up until it came true, I didn't really give much thought to my greatest fear. Sure, I'm claustrophobic, and a little bit arachnophobic, and I have a perfectly irrational hatred of clowns and mimes... but I never really qualified any of that as "greatest fear". I don't fear my own death, so it was an odd thing to think about. Turns out that my greatest fear was losing my grandpa, which happened back in 2009. I was raised by my grandparents, so he was much more my dad than my biological dad was. He taught me how to cook, and a lot of other things, and he was pretty awesome to have around, all the way from childhood to adulthood. I miss him a lot.

So, yes. My greatest fear has come true. I guess I need a new one.

#49: In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No, probably not. Not specifically, anyway. Maybe I'll remember that I was balancing writing Project: Samson with researching Who Killed Hermes?, but I doubt I'll specifically remember which scenes I wrote,  or what book I used as research that day. The things I will remember are things like playing Cards Against Humanity for the first time with Steev and Megan, or helping Jynni deal with some hard stuff going on lately. But remembering a shift at Murphy's in detail? Not likely.

#30: What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I've always had a bad memory with my childhood, so this one is a bit hard to answer. One that stands out is when my grandpa started teaching me how to cook, but letting me watch when I stayed home sick from school one day. It was his spaghetti, which was his main thing as far as I was concerned, and it was an all-day process. He always made enough to feed our family and have plenty left over, because there was always at least one extra person. Sometimes it was Tony or one of my other friends, and sometimes it was one of my sister's friends, or a coworker of my grandma's... there was always someone extra over, and he always made enough food to accommodate.

To this day, I still love to cook. I haven't yet perfected his spaghetti, but I'd like to think that I do a pretty damn good job trying.


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